People who use….

First let me say, if I wrote to much for you to read, please, at least scroll to the bottom and check out the last paragraph!!)

So, for years I have allowed myself to become.. well.. a doormat to some. Friends, family, strangers…. I have always been there to help anyone at anytime. Obviously that’s why I became a police officer, I do enjoy helping others. But choosing to help someone is a lot different than being expected to and used for your kindness. I guess I have just reached a point in my life ,that in my relationships (relationships = friends, family,work..) I am going to be giving what I get. This does not mean I wont go above and beyond on a task I am given it just means emotionally. I know this sounds mean but it really is not. If you have a friend who is always calling for favors but never talks to you any other time would you still put effort into this kind of relationship? Now what if its family? Does it really make a difference? Now I am not saying my family is calling me or using me I am just saying in general :)

You can only open your heart to some people and care for them so much only to be “forgotten” whenever things are going well in their life or when they just don’t need anything. ( I don’t know how God does this daily, but I am grateful he not only can but does!!) I think I try hard to keep in contact with those I am close to. I try to regularly call or at least send an email. I may not get to talk to some of my family or friends due to schedules being different, but I do put the effort in, and most do the same for me.

That's really all that matters I think. Its the effort. For some one to show that the relationship is not one-sided. I can have friends I don’t talk to for MONTHS but we still try to talk and just miss calls, or whatever, but when we do talk its MEANINGFUL and not just take take take.

This new view on life is not a “changed Lindsy” I am still the same happy bubbly person I have been, and will always be. :) I am just now, at 30, learning to set boundaries, for myself and others towards me. I can’t always be the one to help you in your time of , well what some call, need. I am not going to feel guilty anymore if I can’t help everyone. I have learned that for years I have always thought NO was a selfish word and now I know it is not. I have also come to see that constantly saying yes and things of that sort can be damaging to the person you think you are helping. In life we do have to reap what we sow and many of us become enablers to protect those close to us. When in fact, we are not helping them at all but allowing them to continue in their path with little to no consequences for what they do. Then those of us who are “enablers” now have taken on the persons problems while they walk away scot free and content until their next issue.

Now let me explain that I am not trying to be all high and mighty, I am not in any way saying I have NEVER acted like a “user” before. I have been there done that myself in my life. (most teens are this way by nature) But there is a point in our lives we have to grow up and take responsibility for ourselves. Also if there is anyone I know who reads this, I don’t who does or doesn’t, that feels like this is a stab towards them… well it is NOT. This is not in any way towards anyone or any situation in particular. Its a new general path I am taking. But also at the same point, if this blog does bother someone, maybe… just maybe… you should check your intentions, I’m not saying if it bothers only people I know but if ANYONE reads this and feels “moved” then maybe its time for you to stop being the user or stop being used :)

If you want to know more about this or are interested in what I am saying please please check out the book called Boundaries!!!Click on HERE to see a excerpt of it and if you do PLEASE scroll through to page 27.. READ IT!!! Read 27-28 its one SHORT story and will explain things in a way I can’t!! This book is AMAZING And if anyone has boundaries issues like I do its a must have. Even if you think you don’t have issues.. just wait till you read page 27-28 and you will see… most of us do have these issues!!